In my sophmore year of high school I became really close friends with this guy. I greatly valued his opinion and looked up to him like an older brother or father. My junior year he started pushing me away because this girl he wanted to date (who was one of my very best friends) told him that she didn't want him hanging out with me. So, I let this go and just told myself that they would break up and he would be my friend again. Anyway long story short he did break up with this girl but became very mean and bitter. About a year later we started sorta being friends again except this time I realized that I loved him more than just a brother. He used me to get to another friend of mine and they were married last September. This guy and his now wife have not talked to me since all this happened and I was not invited to the wedding. I have been greatly troubled by this whole situation and hate the way that all this has turned out. There is nothing I hate more than losing much loved friends.ANYWAY to the point. last night I had a dream about this couple. I dreamed that we made amends and then went on a road trip. It was crazy. In my dream I just let everything go and did not feel an ounce of resentment towards them. When I woke up it was like a huge weight had been lifted off of me and everything was okay.
In my dream letting go was just like releasing a balloon. It was as if I was carrying around this annoyingly huge balloon with both their names on it, but once I unclenched my fist everything felt better. Its like that huge balloon moved so I could see the sun. If only forgiveness was this easy. Sometimes I feel like I let go and then bitterness creeps into my mind. Am I the only one that has felt this way? or are there some other reluctant forgivers out there as well?
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