The not so happy holidays

For various reasons i dis-like the general thanksgiving - valentines day holidays. for various reasons, and generally the stress sends me into multiple panic attacks (which are quite funny after the fact). This past week has been no exception. All week multiple imbarassing, hurtful, and just plain annoying things have happened and when my mom asked what was wrong i burst into a terrible crying fit. For the next few days i attempted to take some advice from the good o'le sound of music and think of my favorite things.

• retro clothes
• music from the 60s and 70s
• Lavern and Shirley
• fuzzy boots
• chi tea
• basically anything covered in butter

Then last night God smiled upon my thoughts and i remembered my one true love who never lets me down!

oh yes an all american favorite! MCDONAL'S !!

not only did this wonderful wonderful man have a farm and a really great song written about him but he also makes some good cheese burgers ;). So if anyone else who is reading this is having a terrible horrible very bad day then go out and get a burger fries and a drink! 

oh no money!!

As a collage student i don't ever really have a lot of money. however when i do get paid for what little i do work then i tend  to want to spend my money on clothes or buying frozen yogurt everyday! it really is terribly irresponsible of me. Also this late summer/fall i made a lot of very bad money choices and now with most of america i am in debt. so little by little i dig myself out of the owing money hole while still trying to wear super cute clothes and take care of my froyo fetish. haha does anyone else out there have these sorts of addictions???

*jendav

Never ever alone!

So a few days ago was thanksgiving! as i said in my previous post i don't go visit my extended family anymore because they are crazy. So, i was just sitting at home and about mid day i had started to feel sorry for myself a little bit. Normally it wouldn't bother me so much but as i was making my way to wal-mart (the only store that was open) seeing all the cars in the neighbors drive ways really made me miss my mom dad and sister. But the more i thought about it i began to realize that i am not the only one alone on thanksgiving..and the holiday is not about me being with people (even though that is nice). it is about me taking time to realize how much i have to be thankful for and to stop being so whinny!! haha not really...but if you really think about how much the settlers put into trying to form america...it really makes you thankful!

Not does the past make me thankful, but the future as well! i have much hope that within the next three years i will meet the guy i am supposed to marry and start a pretty swell family of my own. =) And the the hope of meeting someone who will be with me every holiday, and who will dance around the house with me when no one else is home, and who will love me for just being weird. That hope is what i am thankful for and what i foucus on.

p.s.
when i do meet that fellow i have been dreaming of  this is pretty much what it will be like ;
http://vimeo.com/9078364

Please pass the butter??

Well here it is..Thanksgiving. The day when family and friends get together to fight over a delicious meal. =] Actually last Thanksgiving was awesome...this year it is sorta lonely. I stopped going to Memphis Tennessee to see my extended family because they are crazy. Generally when I tell people this they say their family is crazy as well. And at this point in the conversation I simply laugh. Maybe I am biased but I really must think that my family is slightly crazier than others.

To prove my point let me give this wonderful example and fond memory from my childhood.

Grandmother: let's eat some mac and cheese for lunch
Me: umm no I think I am just going to eat these chips and drink this coke
Grandmother: well your just being picky. you need to eat real food.
me: well your food is old
My mom: JENNIFER! that's rude!
Me: no...it's the truth.

My grandmother proceeds to make the mac and cheese. My Mother and sister ate it.

My mom: hm that mac and cheese did taste sorta funny....
30 min later
mom and sister are both sick, mom goes and checks how old the contents of the mac and cheese are....the butter my grandmother used was 9 YEARS OLD.
i mean...who has anything in their fridge for 9YEARS?!?!?!?!
needless to say..i won that battle. =p

sleep and closure

Wow, I haven't updated this in a while, but only because nothing note worthy has happened in my life. However, last night I had a very odd dream that really meant a lot to me as crazy as that sounds. 

In my sophmore year of high school I became really close friends with this guy. I greatly valued his opinion and looked up to him like an older brother or  father. My junior year he started pushing me away because this girl he wanted to date (who was one of my very best friends) told him that she didn't want him hanging out with me. So, I let this go and just told myself that they would break up and he would be my friend again. Anyway long story short he did break up with this girl but became very mean and bitter. About a year later we started sorta being friends again except this time I realized that I loved him more than just a brother. He used  me to get to another friend of mine and they were married last September. This guy and his now wife have not talked to me since all this happened and I was not invited to the wedding. I have been greatly troubled by this whole situation and hate the way that all this has turned out. There is nothing I hate more than losing much loved friends.ANYWAY to the point. last night I had a dream about this couple. I dreamed that we made amends and then went on a road trip. It was crazy. In my dream I just let everything go and did not feel an ounce of resentment towards them. When I woke up it was like a huge weight had been lifted off of me and everything was okay. 

In my  dream letting go was just like releasing a balloon. It was as if I was carrying around this annoyingly huge balloon with both their names on it, but once I unclenched my fist everything felt better. Its like that huge balloon moved so I could see the sun. If only forgiveness was this easy. Sometimes I feel like I let go and then bitterness creeps into my mind. Am I the only one that has felt this way? or are there some other reluctant forgivers out there as well?

sduty utysd dsuyt study?

Here I am sitting in my math class. I have already taken this class once before we have just gotten our last test back and I bombed it. I am seriously worried about how I am going to pass this class. As I sit here in utter defeat of collage I wonder what it is about me that makes it so hard for me to pay attention. When I was 15 my dad caught me cheating my whole way through my freshmen year of high school. That night he made me do pretty much all the problems that I had cheated. He yelled at me until I had them all finished. Granted the whole time I cried and cried, but never the less, I did it. I know I am intelligent there is this huge block in my mind that keeps me from showing other people. At work I often read numbers backwards back to customers and I wonder if I am mildly dyslexic.  Who knows I fully intend to get this checked out before finals. I cannot afford to fail...AGAIN. haha until then I will just keep on pushing through. In the slight chance anyone is out there reading this what do you think? Have you ever suffered from something like being dyslexic?
that is all for now!
jd

P.S. i love this pictchaaa!

new!

everyone else has a blog..so i thought i would make one. =]